When I turned 16 years old, the best thing happened to me. As a teenage girl in her senior year, I found the secret to thinness. I found out that you could eat all the yummy food that you love so much and not gain a single pound. How? You just had to get it out of your system.
It was precisely on February 14th, 10 years ago, when it all started. My dad came home from work and brought lots of chocolate for the whole family. But not just any chocolate. He brought the Belgian seashells chocolate. Considering it as one of my favorite type of sweets, I was beyond excited to finally be able to devour the whole box that was given to me. I was mostly excited because I knew that I wouldn’t have to feel guilty for having eaten them and I also knew that the next morning there would be no sign of it on my tummy.
I lived like this for years. I cannot, however, tell you how many years because I stopped counting after a while. At first, I was happy. I got to eat my favorite chips, my favorite cakes, and whatever junk food you could name. But then, as I continued this torture, I realized I was far from being happy. Did it make me stop? Did this unbearable emotional pain that I was feeling stop me from doing what I was doing? No. Why? I don’t know.
I then signed up for a gym membership. I thought that working out would sculpt my body and that I could finally be happy and embrace what my momma gave me. I was successful. But not for too long. I was working out five times a week, eating as little as I could and saw no results. I was infuriated and I was full of hate. I hated my family, my friends, and the entire world. But most of all, I hated myself. And it was no longer just about my body. It was now everything.
The worst part about all this is that no one ever noticed.
After years of battling this problem, I finally let it out. I started with my sister and then eventually told my friends. I, however, never told my parents (to this day they don’t know). It felt somewhat good to be able to reveal a secret I had been keeping for so long and it felt even better to know that I had the support I needed to fix this.
For a whole year I was healthy. I was exercising moderately and eating reasonably. And when I finally thought I was cured, I fell back to my old habit. Oh how angry I was at myself.
But last year, I made a promise to myself. I promised to love myself and to never hurt my body again. I promised to never give up and to just fight on. I also promised to follow my dreams and become the person I have always wanted to be. How do I know I won’t fall back down? I just know.
Today, I can finally say that I have found health and happiness. I now exercise, eat clean, “instagram” about it (is that even a verb?). I am successful in school and, ultimately in life. I have the best family, the best friends, and most of all I have the best boyfriend.
The secret is now out. Many of you might ask yourselves, why did I do this and what do I want. I do not want pity. And I definitely do not want anyone feeling sorry for me. Sharing my story with you means more than you can imagine. It means I am no longer ashamed of who I was and who I am, and that I am one-hundred-percent cured. With joy and pride I celebrate my success that I am no longer a bulimic.
I thank you, with all my heart, for having read this blog post. Please do know that bulimia is a serious issue. If you know anyone battling this eating disorder, take action!
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